Renée de Nève Photography Renée de Nève Photography

Journal

September 17th, 2021

September Is

BY MARY JO BANG

September is work to the center

Of arguments and controversies.

Prejudgments and incomprehensions.

What will I love if not that

That was enigma?

The years of infancy, Memory says,

And there we are, with the demon

Of the art of living

Traced on the glass of some window.


In the beauty of the night of May,

Clear of moon, to the lume of a candle

There was a design like the profile

Of a landscape almost abandoned. Gone

But not gone yet. It’s fascinating,

These mysterious uncovered feelings.

Enigma of an afternoon of autumn, the picture

Of which is a composition

Of the eye of my mind. Every hour


That I watch this picture

I see again still that moment.

Nevertheless the moment is an enigma

For me, in how much is inexplicable.

The physical things hide in the architecture

Of the event. The enigma of a mock-up,

Of a shadow, the spectral and eternal aspect

Of the moment. Praises to you for being

One great box of surprise,


Your head the scene of a wonderful theater

Of the most tender gray of the fog

That joins the sky to the earth.

A tangling of truth and memory,

Mythology and iconography,

I watch with the eye

Of the mind the city that accommodates

That one beautiful day that is now infinite.

It deepens. It begins. The cyclical method.


Memory is deeply not alive; it’s a mock-up

And this renders it hateful. Yet, it is not a fiction,

Is a truth, indeed a sad and monstrous truth.

I was assigned to you, together we were

A beautiful and melancholic picture.

This last picture is the realization

Of the overwhelming moment

In which the acute eye perceives you as a now

That is over. A now that is fixed

In the swept past.

September 16th, 2021

Late night scribbles on falling in love with your hands.


The hands you were born with.

The skin lines that follow a story.

Basked in the creme of hemp.

The strong, earthy smell.

The fingers that clung to my back, when we embraced to say goodbye.

Imagine there had been no next time.

Your hand that held my hand. So close. So loving.

Your hands told me a story. I felt your path in the palm of my hands.

You didn’t fall in love with your hands. They weren’t your favourite. I in turn, fell in love.

I miss your hands. The fingers that stroke my back, went through my hair.

I long for your hands. The hands that are so uniquely yours. Only yours.

September 15th, 2021

Tonight I thought back to how everything was a year ago and marked the beginning of a very dark, sombre time for me. I thought it would be a blip, but the blip carried on from one day to the next and the end never in sight. Without dwelling too much on the bad and how that felt, I gave myself a pat on the back and felt enormous pride in how far I have come. How much better I feel. How much happier I am. How appreciative I am to be able to feel, and just not feel but able to feel my former self. The sides of myself I loved and remembered two years ago. I am just really grateful that I am where I am, the wisdom I gained along the way and just for feeling content.

September 14th, 2021

I love nature. I love being within nature. Had you asked me 10 years ago to go for walks.. I would have said no thank you. But here I am totally in love. I look for it wherever I go, appreciate it wherever I am. More nature please.

September 13th, 2021

It’s not what divides us

It’s what unites us

It’s not what differentiates us

It’s what binds us

It’s not what separates us

It’s what connects us

It’s not who is to blame

It’s what we can learn

Imagine we lived in a world where we would not focus on the bad but the good. Imagine, just that.

September 12th, 2021

This is honestly such a good read. My friend highly recommended me this book and I can only do the same. It’s writing style, I have not encountered before, but fits. Reminds me of my childhood into adolescent time, growing up in London and it’s just a fantastic read.

September 11th, 2021

"Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost"

- Fleetwood Mac ‘Dreams’

September 10th, 2021

September 8th, 2021

September 6th, 2021

As I settle back into the day to day,

I try and find the groove that will guide the way.

Good things will come, I say.

I long for the free natural air,

where I felt me in natural flare.

Next stop, I save for my fare.

Until then, visuals will remind me

of what it felt like, to be here.

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